You have to get on his good side. For Lisa. Yes, he’s an arrogant ass, but he’s got the space and the equipment you need to help her. Saving him from a Weevil doesn’t work. Bringing him coffee (and hell it is superb coffee) doesn’t work. Pteranodon. Well. That’s convenient. And, it seems to work. It is for Lisa after all. He smells good- naturally apparently, and then you’re rolling, laughing, and close. Too close, far too close, and as the laughter fades it is very hard to think of anything at all but the sight, sound, smell of the man. He makes you feel like Lisa used to. Lisa. You think of her and roll off him, feeling very guilty. You got the job. For Lisa.
Not for Captain Jack bloody Harkness.
You’re fooling yourself. You like how Jack compliments you, despite how you warn him about sexual harassment. You like the cheeky grins and innuendos, despite your protests. You like that he trusts you. You hate that he trusts you. You shouldn’t- it’s all helping Lisa- but you hate that he trusts you, because that means that you’re betraying him. You don’t want to betray him. Why don’t you? It’ll save the woman you love, but for some reason it feels wrong. You feel guilty. Because you know it’ll hurt him. You shouldn’t be worried about hurting him, or making him smile with witty comments. You should be worried about getting Lisa better. Not him.
Not about Captain Jack Harkness.
You’re hurt. Everything hurts. Lisa is everywhere in everything, you can’t escape her. It’s like rats gnawing on your insides, but they never seem to do any damage strong enough for your body to show the pain. They don’t notice, none of them. They didn’t notice before either. You want to scream. Want someone, anyone, to know how much this hurts. But you won’t. And it’s his fault. His orders. What hurts most was that he was right, in the end. And you can’t get the feel of his lips on yours out of your head. It just makes you hate yourself all the more. Funny how you can’t hate him, once the adrenaline and sobbing had ceased. And you hate that you can't hate hi for it.
Damn Jack Harkness.
His flirting is starting to become unbearable. And not because of Lisa (his flirting is nothing at all Lisa-like, you doubt he’s comparable to anyone else) but because you wish he’d stop flirting and actually do something about it. He tends to push it until you’re about to snap, and then walks away. You feel some guilt over Lisa, but every time he steps into your personal space any coherent thought is over powered by those damn pheromones, and the rats seem to go away. It’s something other than pain. So, you give in, and the next time he’s cornered you, you kiss him.
And now you're involved with Jack bloody Harkness.
Just when you think you’ve learned his tricks, he goes and dies. Breaks your fucking heart even though you really weren’t supposed to be that attached- being just a part time shag and all- but there it is. And you have to admit to yourself that you did actually love him. And that’s partially okay because it’s not like he’s around to run for the hills at even the barest hint of commitment. And then comes he back to life.
Jack Fucking Harkness.
So now you’re happy, thrilled actually. Not only is the man that you apparently love still alive and kicking- but actually kissed you in front of the entire team. Claimed you in a none-too-subtle way that meant the butterflies were perfectly acceptable. Maybe, just maybe you could be something more. And then what does he do? Ups and vanishes. Right.
Jack bloody Harkness .
Heartbroken. Not like you haven’t been here before. Some how it’s worse this time, perhaps it’s because the rats are gnawing at already sore wounds, or perhaps because the man who had taken them away the first time had been the one to put them back. Maybe it’s because he left willingly. It doesn’t matter really. Nothing happens like it should. The world doesn’t stop spinning, your heart doesn’t stop beating, and with one member- the most important member- of the team gone you’re needed in the field. You deal, you adapt, and it becomes comfortable, you get used to it. Then of course, when you start to think maybe it’s not so bad anymore, he shows up again.
Damn Jack Harkness.
You want to punch him, or kiss him, possibly both. You haven’t got the time for that though because his crazy ex is running around causing all sorts of hell. Typical. And when you’re finally alone and you’ve geared up the courage to give him what-for, what does he do? Asks you on a date. One thing you never saw coming. The one thing you weren’t prepared for. The only thing that blind-sides you enough to let him back in. And then he’s smirking again.
It’s taken all this time to pinpoint it, but finally it’s completely clear. Why you let him back in every time. Why you keep going back even though he's irritating, cocky, and dangerous. You’re addicted. You know his reputation, how cold he can be, how easily he can leave, how easily he could break your heart again. You don’t care. It’s worth it. He’s worth it.
Jack Harkness is worth it.